18 year old with guttate psoriasis - WHY DO I LET IT CONTROL MY LIFE?

[ruby28]

I'm new to this, basically just decided to find somewhere online that i could share my feelings about psoriasis because i've been feeling so down about it recently, it's constantly on my mind and im fed up of it controlling my life and my emotions. I wish i was a strong enough person to just be able to say fu*k it, i dont care what people think and be able to accept my skin how it is but i just cant... i hate it so much, it feels so unfair that i have to live with it forever. (im sorry if this sounds stupid and shallow and whatever, im not really looking for any replies i just need to get all of this of my chest because i cant talk to anyone about it, im too embarrased, none of my family understand how horrible it is to live with psoriasis, and i dont want to tell any of my mates because i can barely look at my skin let alone let other people look at it)

anyway, i just want to be able to act like an 18 year old and do the things my mates get to do, its horrible in the summer, constantly thinking up excuses why im not going swimming, and always having to cover up. I've got guttate psoriasis, which is like teardrops (ironic) scattered over my body rather than one area. I have it on my legs, my arms, my stomach, my back and its slowly progressing onto my chest and im pretty sure i felt one appearing on my face, oh and my scalp.

im not really sure what the point of this post is, i dunno, i guess i just want to hear from other people with it, because atm i feel so ugly and its really effecting my life, ive had a really short temper for the past couple of years since i was first diagnosed with it and have gotten quite depressed, my mum encouaraged me to go to counselling and my counsillor made me realise what it is thats been making me so angry: its the psoriasis. i feel so bitter that my life is controlled by this horrible condition, and then i am angry at myself for being so superficial because i feel like i should just get over it and accept my body how it is. i am sure that ina  few years, when ive matured a bit more and come to terms with it that i will learn to live with it, but right now it's so hard as an 18year old, when all my friends and everyone around me is perfect looking and i just feel so horrible all the time. it's also harder right now because teenagers are judgemental and a lot less understanding than mature adults who aren't so shallow.

dunno, i guess i want to no what are reactions you've had from people when telling them about your psoriasis? and if you had it when you were a teenager did it stop you from having relationships with people? how did boyfriends/girlfriends react? etc

sorry about how long this is !

[Fred Hoggin]

Hi Ruby, and welcome.

You will find lot's of people here who understand what your going through.

I first got my p at about 25, but i have found the older you get and the more you accept it the easier it gets to cope with it.

Anyway at least you know your not alone, and you have found the right place for support.

All the best

Fred 

[yorkie]

Hi Ruby and welcome to PHO

Best wishes   Yorkie

[john729]

Hello. And welcome. I hope this site makes you feel you are not alone. Apart from all the advice and experiences you will find that's one of the main things about it. I got P at about the same age following a bout of German measles. It wasn't too bad (scalp, elbows and the odd other patch) but it still made me wary of relationships. As I got older I found the best thing to do was to make sure anyone I met knew about it - just let them see it if that was possible at the time. Sometimes I had to explain what it was and sometimes they didn't mention it. But I always found out who minded and who didn't. Can be tough, I know, but at least you find out who's bothered and who's not. Now, years later, I've come to terms with it and everyone (including me) has to accept what it means. Try to keep smiling.

[Nicoley =]]

hi ruby!
my names nicole im 18 and iv got psoriasis and iv had it since i was 5 iv got it from head to toe! i have it serouse,i no how u feel iv bin throw the same i no its hard but till u accept it and think **** it then it will stay the way it is u need to believe in your self ahnd tell your self u dont care and u will see a difference trust me ! if u havnt got this cream then ask for it its called dovobet oinment! works a treat then get to your docotors and ask about the injection humara iv bin on it 3 weeks and i can see the chage already my arms are cleared and my leg are almost there, i also have it on my face and my skelp is completely coverd its thick and horrid, but if u keep hiding away i mean i never go swimming thats stll a no for me but thats because it makes it worse for me, let your friend in sit down thel thm about it because i ws scared say anything now some times my friends help me put cream on my back, i no its hard to look at your self i still have my moments were i cry and think why me but then i stop and think that im not going to let this beat me! and i also have arthrities in my back feet and hands which stops me doing a lot, if you open up to people u will soon find all the worring you did was not worth it. and it did stop me having a bf at first but now im with someone and have been for 3 years
do you have facebook

nicole x

[TrishR]

Hey Ruby,  welcome to PHO 

We do know how you're feeling and it is completely natural to want to hide your skin when it can make you feel so low and horrible about youself.   It does make life so easier when you get to the stage where you can show it.   It comes at a different point for all of us though. 

I have found the very best thing is UVB,  it works so well on guttate for me.  My skin hates Dovobet it just makes the P (guttate or plaque) go bright red.   This is the hardest part of the battle though,  finding out what works for you. 

Good luck,  hope you will find this place very helpful and theraputic.

[wendykg]

Hi Ruby....just wanted to say how much I admire you for being able to let your feelings out, and voice a lot of emotions that a lot of us aren't brave enough to do....we pretend a lot of the time to put on a brave face and make light of how we really feel. Good on you
Also, I read the reply from Nicole, and feel this is very relevant to you with you both being in the same age bracket. Try to maintain contact with her, as you can only be of support to each other.
Keep your chin up.... and always know that there is someone on here to talk to 24/7 regardless of your particular time frame

[LottieLove]

i can only repeat what others have said, keep going, there is hope, there are treatments, don't let your doctor let you down!! keep your chin up and remember you are not alone by any means!!!

[riaY]

Hiya, welcome and well done for being so honest in your post You've taken the first/hardest step by doing this. There will always be someone on here who knows how you feel and what you're going through, to help, advise and support you.

What treatments have you tried so far? i agree with Trish uvb works wonders. I'm pretty much clear at the moment (except for my scalp) after a course of light treatment combined with tart treatment. Keep reading and posting, never be afraid or embarrassed to ask anything someone is sure to be able to help. Good luck

[babyblue]

Hi ya Ruby and welcome. 

I'm glad you've managed to find this site, as although I'm new I find it a fantastic resource with regard to treatments.  I've found that when first diagnosed, regardless of age, Derms tend to offer ointments/lotions and advice to begin with.  I now have ultra-violet treatment at hospital (combined with tar afterwards and again at night on the P., washed off before the treatment) and have found it really good.  I tend to go back every 12 months and while it does not remain entirely clear, its manageable.  I'm not sure if this is an option for you but certainly something you can discuss with your Derm or Clinic.

I've  complimented Nicole before, she like you is a very brave young lady and I'm sure you'll have lots of similar experiences and can share those and be a support for each other.  Meantime, us 'oldies' are here to provide some TLC when you need it,  a little advice, or a giggle .... so keep coming back !

Best of luck
BB