I think I must've been 15 or 16 when I got psoriasis-it was only on my knees and elbows up until I was 20 and then I received guttate and wore pants all summer, it got better close to a year later and disappeared, then it was just my knees and elbows again and then a few months before I turned 23 I noticed a pustular on my finger and it kept spreading, and also on my feet, and then some nails, I had some seperation of my nails occur.. and going on 25 I finally found a derm who seen that I have tried all ointments for it and puva, and even methrotrexate so he finally gave me cyclosporine...so for almost a year now I've been looking pretty hot! But last month he lowered my dose once again because by February I have to be taken off of it because it will be the one year mark on it..so now I'm seeing the pustulars appear and some flakes-not disabling yet but I know how it will get so i'm stressed but tomorrow I see him again and I'm just going to tell him "You mentioned Soriataine, I want it and I want to know what you can do for me when I have to get off of it.." I need to know if he will take me off and put on cyclosporine again and take me off and do Soriataine again and so on and so forth..I know the effects of them and I also know I've been denied disability 3 times for localized pustular psoriasis..so I know if I don't have medicine and i can't get disability that i just smile on the outside and cry on the inside from the pain and I work anyway.. I know how crazy it made me before..crazy as in scratching all the time because it itched..and how I had to wear gloves and plastic on my feet so I wouldn't get infection and how taking a bath hurt so bad because of the splits in my skin-every crease in my hands and feet were split open.. but I don't want sympathy from anyone-you all have it, you all know what it can be like.. for me I can cry about it but basically I just do what Guy said or someone said.. think of those who are worse off.. I will always hope for improvement in drugs and I will always bug my doctor to keep me clear!! What scares me is I almost feel like I would take being clear no matter what the cost.. but I know my derm won't let that happen!! So i guess that's a good thing! Well tomorrow I'm sure I will get some good news or atleast a few more years to look forward to being clear so I'm keeping my chin up and I hope you all keep your chins up too! jamie
