Author Topic: Depression (Read 36961 times)

Emilyvic · « **Reply #220 on:** January 26, 2012, 01:16:38 AM »

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Hi,

I thought I might join in with my experience of depression, if it can help anyone, all the better....

A potted history of the worst
My dad was wounded at Dunkirk and could never work as a result. He became depressed and stayed depressed for the rest of his life.
This made our life (my mum's, mine and my brothers') a total misery. We were always scared of upsetting him, he'd get into violent rages. We'd walk home from school, dreading going home, wondering whether he'd be in a good mood or a bad one.

When I was 8, he called me a "dirty little female dog" because I'd put a word on the Scrabble board that he didn't agree with.
My brother was diagnosed with cancer when he was 11.
When I was 16, he beat me up because I got home at 11.30pm instead of 11pm, after an evening with friends.
When my brother was 17, he had a motorbike accident, he came home bleeding, his leathers torn...my dad didn't even lift his eyes from his newspaper.
When I was in my last year of primary school, my headteacher had to tell me about the birds and the bees before i went to a private convent school. He touched me where he shouldn't have.
When my grandad came to live with us, I took him to mass every sunday. Every sunday he touched me where he shouldn't have.
When I was 12, my parents were out and I took the phone call at home telling me that my uncle had committed suicide.
My mum tried to commit suicide in an attempt to escape my father.
My psoriasis started the same day.

I got married, 3 weeks later my husband was already cheating on me. He continued to do so for 8 years, his mistresses visited him at our home, but I was too naive or too stupid to realise it.
Even when he got an STD when I was 7 months pregnant, I stayed with him.
I had 4 miscarriages.
My son was born 6 weeks premature, he nearly died and spent a month in intensive care.
My first daughter was born 6 weeks premature, with a rare and serious heart malformation. She died four and a half months later.
My father in law said it was my fault.
I started divorced proceedings. My husband dragged me for 8 years through the courts for custody of our son. He made death threats, he beat me up, he put a knife to my throat, he tried to run me over with his car.
My sister committed suicide after a 7 year battle with severe depression.
My son was diagnosed with a life-threatening illness aged 5 yrs. With treatment he pulled through.
I started a new relationship, he wanted a baby, when I found out I was pregnant he left me.
I put 15 kilos on during the pregnancy. 1 month after the birth by section I had lost 18. I was exhausted.
He never supported our daughter, she's 16 now, and I've been a lone parent since her birth.

My sister committed suicide after a 7 year battle with severe depression.
In 30 years, I have only been psoriasis free once, for about a month.
Now I have been diagnosed with severe PsA.

And these are just some of the difficulties life has thrown at me...

I've hit rock bottom....and that is putting it mildly.....more than once.
I've taken tablets just to make me sleep for days on end, just to take the pain of depression away, just to get some respite.
I've contemplated suicide. I even contemplated taking my second daughter with me, convinced that her life would be just as painful as mine.
But that was a long time ago.

15 years ago I got myself hospitalised, for 6 weeks, even though the pain of being apart from my children was unbearable, and for the first time in my life I was diagnosed with depression.

It wasn't me! I wasn't weak! It was a real illness!

And the guilt and the shame I had carried for years went away.
I had therapy, lots of therapy, and meds, and my life turned around completely.

I still get depressed, when the meds stop working and I have to try another one; or when life hits me hard, as it has done now with PsA....disability, unable to work, .....
I know I will always be depression-sensitive.
But I also know what the signs are, and I know what to do to deal with it.
For me that means: getting my meds adjusted, counselling/therapy, and being kind to myself....as someone said earlier, letting yourself have a bad day if that's how you feel....slob in your jimjams, don't wash, treat yourself, take it easy, avoid people who don't understand and get in touch with people who do, ...and don't feel guilty!

I'm not saying "give in to it", I'm saying "manage it so that you don't make yourself feel worse", in much the same way as you would a sore ankle....just rest it until it feels a bit better!

Some people will never be depressed, they're just made that way, like some people will be diabetic and others won't, like having blue eyes or brown. Others are made differently - made so that they are more sensitive to stress - I'm one of those people, but that doesn't make me weak....on the contrary, still being here today with children I can be very proud of, and with 2 degrees to my name, means that I am strong and a survivor.

And so it is for all of us that have posted here, that suffer or have suffered from life's worst and depression.....you are far stronger than you think.

Now I'll shut up and let someone else get a word in !

Trish x

. This story is inspirational I don't know how people like you remain so strong through all that.. You children will so be proud of you never give up x

Charlotte_S · « **Reply #221 on:** February 01, 2012, 11:23:00 AM »

Just wanted to check in with everyone on here to say that I'm still doing ok. I am off the meds - which feels kinda good. I haven't been back to my GP about it which I know I need to.

Unfortunately I've lost quite a bit of weight again (I guess it was the meds which helped me gain the weight) but the important thing is that I feel ok - I'm not in a constant panic, I'm not sitting at the breakfast table crying - but more importantly I'm actually getting up every morning, having a shower, getting on with my day ... I have energy to face things like paying bills. Heck I can even get myself into gear to go for a bike ride or a run from time to time without having a total attack of the weepies halfway through.

I hope that everyone else here on these boards has found or is finding something that works for them. I hope that all of you find happiness and contentment.

C

waco · « **Reply #222 on:** February 02, 2012, 12:38:52 PM »

well done!!!!! take a bow......

TrishR · « **Reply #223 on:** February 28, 2012, 03:49:55 PM »

Today would have been Andrew's birthday (Guitarman) . . . . . . remembering you.

zora · « **Reply #224 on:** May 01, 2012, 11:55:25 AM »

I will add my two cents worth. I used to have mood swings and went through cycles of depression. I am a christian and started meditating on the bible and listening to good positive messages. By listening lots to Joel Osteen's positive messages, I am pulling myself out of depression, slowly but surely, bit by bit. I searched "Joel Osteen" on youtube and found so many messages of hope and encouragement. They helped me to re-focus my mind and change my mindset, which in turned helped with my depression

Sir Will.I.am · « **Reply #225 on:** May 04, 2012, 10:53:46 AM »

I am currently fighting to great fight again, for the last 4 days hell and its demons have walked on my back and inside my head. Two sleepless nights so far and fighting to keep both thoughts and unhelpful and hurtful memories and ever reoccurring flashbacks from my brain. No it doesn't get easier.