Clare, try massaging your whole head with olive oil, and wrap in a towel and leave it, for hours, overnight, if you can bear it, and have the time, some things arent so easy when youve got kids and work and so on, but give yourself some time and pamper yourself. You could try adding essential oils to the olive oil, lavender is good for soothing and healing, and smells lovely too.

Wash the oil out using a nice SLS/paraben free shampoo, and plenty of conditioner. There seems to be a lot more on the market these and easier to get hold of, especially in the baby aisles of the supermarket, try the 'Halos and Horns' range.
I do feel for you, as my scalp used to be terrible, I hated how you could see it in my parting and used to wear thick wide headbands a lot, my p seemed to ease during my first pregnancy, 10 years ago, and has not been as bad since and also I dye my hair, which seems to keep it to a minimum these days. I do still get a dry scalp but nothing like it used to be.